"Tickets, Money, Passports! Tickets, Money, Passports": My Last Minute Packing List

Can I just say something?

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

There. I feel better.

Who knew a relaxing three-week vacation in Bali would require such stress-inducing preparation? Well, OK, I did sorta have an idea that I would suffer some last-minute freak-outs when deciding what to pack and prep. Here's my list:

-Benzodiazepines: A) to keep my husband from spontaneously combusting when confronted with TSA, Homeland Security, and foreign government officials; and B) to keep yours truly from having a total nervous breakdown (I'm not the best flier), regressing to a fetal position, and soiling my undies.

-Underwear. Lots of it. In case those benzos don't work.

-Picture of the cats, so I can pull out the photograph exactly five minutes after we leave and start talking to it in my Baby Daddy voice: "Who loves his little orange man? Who loves his black-and-white cookie? It's Li'l Daddy! Li'l Daddy loves you, yes he does!"

-Guided meditations on my iPod. Because I am deluded enough to believe that it is my concentration, and my concentration alone, that keeps that plane aloft.

-Sweaters, even though we are going to the Tropics. The subzero temperatures onboard commercial aircrafts are extreme enough to store venison, build igloos, embark upon sleigh rides, and cause my nipples to sprout icicles.

-Sunblock. If one day on the Caribbean turned me into Sebastian from "The Little Mermaid", I fear what will happen during three weeks on the Equator. I could possibly come home looking like a bucket of Colonel Sanders' Extra Crispy recipe.

-Clif Bars. I don't know how to say "vegan" in either Indonesian or Chinese.

-A currency conversion cheat sheet, because whenever I visit a foreign country and make a purchase, I tend to just hand all my cash to the cashier. I realize now that's probably not the most savvy thing to do.

-Deodorant. Anxiety/fear = sweat. Sweat = stinky pits. Stinky pits = fried onion rings. And I highly doubt anyone will believe there is a deep fat fryer on the plane.

-In the immortal words of Edina "AbFab" Monsoon: "Tickets, money, passports! Tickets, money, passports!". Cuz those things are important, and none of the above items would be useful without them.

All right. Time to pack. But before I do, can I just say one last thing?

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Now. Where did I put my suitcase....?