The Proust Questionnaire

James Lipton, the sorta creepy but insanely well-researched host of "Inside the Actors Studio", always ends each of his interviews with the Proust Questionnaire. This questionnaire, despite Lipton's assertions otherwise, was not designed by the great French writer Marcel Proust; Proust was just the most notable personality to answer the questions after their initial discovery. Proust found them among the papers of his friend Antoinette (daughter of future French President Felix Faure) with the title "An Album to Record Thoughts, Feelings, Etc". Apparently, it was quite common for the wealthy of that time to posit such philosophical questions to themselves and their confidantes. Proust took this informal poll around 1890, when he would've been 19 years old.

The popularity of this questionnaire was revived in 1975 on the French talk show "Apostrophes", hosted by Bernard Pivot (Lipton's hero). Pivot put the questions, in a slightly condensed and updated format, to his guests during every broadcast. Lipton was inspired by this and chose to do the same on his own show; it's typically the highlight of the already-insightful program.

Since Proust intrigues me, and I'll probably never be a guest on "Inside the Actors Studio", I thought it would be fun to take the Proust Questionnaire -- both the original version discovered in Antoinette Faure's papers and the revamped one by Bernard Pivot.


Original Questionnaire

What is your favorite virtue [that you possess]?
My great capacity to love.

What are your favorite qualities in a man?
Sensitivity.

What are your favorite qualities in a woman?
Strength.

What is your chief characteristic?
Compassion and self-preservation.

What do you appreciate the most in your friends?
They hear me.

What is your main fault?
My tendency to be inauthentic.

What is your favorite occupation?
Writer. Actor. Homesteader.

What is your idea of happiness?
Living in the moment. Being authentic. Being heard. Being far away from Boston.

What is your idea of misery?
Living in Boston the rest of my life. Getting trapped in a cycle of disappointment and inauthenticity.

If not yourself, who would you be?
A dog.

Where would you like to live?
Vermont. Venice. Amsterdam.

What is your favorite color and flower?
Colors: earth tones. Flowers: orchids; the flowers of the Dove tree.

Who are your favorite prose authors?
Doris Lessing. Erica Jong. Augusten Burroughs.

Who are your favorite poets?
Mark Doty. Mary Oliver. Claudia Emerson. Anne Sexton.

Who are your favorite heroes/heroines in fiction?
Anna Wulf from "The Golden Notebook". Veronika from "Veronika Decides to Die". Morris the Moose from "Morris Goes to School".

Who are your favorite painters and composers?
Painters: Klimt, Chagall, Whistler, Rothko. Composers: Philip Glass, Edward Elgar.

Who are your heroes/heroines in real life?
John. Edith. Rupert.

What characters in history do you most dislike?
Hitler. The Bush family.

Who are your heroes/heroines in history?
Gautama Buddha. Eleanor of Aquitaine. Harvey Milk. Rosa Parks. MLK, Jr. Oscar Wilde.

What are your favorite food and drink?
Cheap black olives from a can. VitaminWater's Vital-T.

What are your favorite names?
Dashiell. Jude.

What do you hate the most?
Ignorance. Shallowness. Rudeness. Oppression. Loud noises, loud people, loud cities.

What military event do you admire the most?
Violence just begets more violence, so I admire all military events when they are over and everyone gets to come home.

What reform do you admire the most?
The Obama Administration.

What natural talent would you like to be gifted with?
I'd love to be an opera tenor.

How do you wish to die?
In my sleep.

What is your present state of mind?
Exhausted.

For what fault do you have the most tolerance?
Sci-fi addiction.

What is your favorite motto?
There is no possible way I can narrow it down to a single phrase. Here's three: "This too shall pass" (Jewish proverb); "Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself" (Doris Lessing); "Beat it, ya 50-year-old mattress!" (Sophia to Blanche, "The Golden Girls").


"Inside the Actors Studio" Version

What is your favorite word?
Brevity.

What is your least favorite word?
Gun.

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
The written word. Silence. John. Adrien Brody.

What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Crowds. Stupidity. Bad movies.

What sound or noise do you love?
Fergus's squeak.

What sound or noise do you hate?
An animal in pain (I grew up near a slaughterhouse). Car alarms. Gunfire.

What is your favorite curse word?
Poopsticks.

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Meditation teacher. Actor. Opera singer (as mentioned above).

What profession would you not like to do?
Accountant. Tollbooth cashier. Flight attendant.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? 

"Thank you for loving all of my movies...now come, let me hold you to my bosom." (Bear in mind: God = Meryl Streep).