Why Bother?

People in my life -- my husband, friends, therapist, co-workers -- see the state I get myself into at times and always ask the same question: "Why do you care?". And I honestly have no good answer to that, considering that the great majority of the things I get worked up over aren't worth giving half a doodie about. Getting riled up over important matters, like self-preservation, happiness, politics, animals, relationships, are not the issue here. The issue here is why I make myself upset over stupid, mundane things. You know, things like bad movies, or why the grocery store stopped carrying vegan cream cheese, or who the hell out there could possibly be concerned with the celebutard-of-the-moment's latest shenanigans. Crapola like this is not important, and logically, I know that.

So why bother?

Well, I bother because I hold every one one us, myself included (and probably even more so), to a very high standard. I naturally, albeit mistakenly, expect a lot out of people. When they fail me, I take it hard.

But I've realized that lately I've been just not caring so much. Not about big things: that kind of stuff I still care about greatly. It's the smaller matters that I am allowing to filter through my brain unchecked. It feels good, but it's also made some little pleasures rather boring for me. For example, there are a couple of celebrity gossip blogs I enjoy reading for sheer entertainment value. Lately, though, I've been less-than-interested in what some of these celebrities and politicians have been up to.

In the spirit of commemorating these I-Don't-Give-A-Damn milestones, here are a few things worth noting that I just don't care about.

-Are Beyonce and Jay-z married? Though all signs point to "yes", neither has released an "official" statement. All those involved with the did-it-or-didn't-it event have kept mum and given purposefully misleading answers when asked directly. Well I don't care whether or not these two singers are married. I honestly don't. First of all, Beyonce is highly-overrated and I derive no pleasure from her music. Secondly, who is Jay-Z and why should I care? Thirdly, people get married every day. It's not tough to do. It doesn't make you a hero or even remotely newsworthy. Sheesh, get over yourselves. Use your publicity and fame and insane amount of money to help the world. Stop wearing flashy wedding rings one day and removing them the next. It simply isn't worth caring about. I wasn't getting you a wedding gift anyway. I only give congratulatory toaster ovens and Ronco food dehydrators to people I (a) know, and people I (b) like.

-Mariah Carey. Apparently, she has a new album coming out, presumably filled with more painful pop music that is probably tougher on the ears than a goddamn dog whistle. In honor of said album, the Empire State Building is going to be lit in "Mariah's colors" of white, pink, and lavender. This is getting a lot of press. Yeah, I think it's pretty stupid that an historic American landmark is being used as a billboard, but, really, is this worth wasting a moment of thought over? And note to Mariah: white, pink, and lavender belong to everyone. They are no more your colors than the red gushing out of my ear canals after listening to your music.

-George W. Bush appearing on "American Idol" and "Deal or No Deal". He's a moron. Anyone with half a brain cell knows this. His appearances on these two awful TV shows just further solidifies his palatial suite in the Pantheon of Big Ol' Dumbasses. Put GWB on trial on Court TV for crimes against humanity. That I would watch. Or better yet: resurrect "Match Game" and pit him against Charles Nelson Reilly. Now that I would really watch.

-Heidi Montag endorses John McCain for president. This chick needs to go away. No one cares to which candidate the talentless wannabes of the world will cast their votes. This, of course, begs the question: who IS Heidi Montag? Are her political views worth caring about? Will she sway undecided voters with her announcement? I highly doubt it. People are too busy googling her name to find out who the hell she even is. The only political endorsement from a celebrity that we should be anticipating with bated breath is Elvira's. Hers is the only one that matters.

-Clay Aiken's sexual orientation. A lot of people have really tightly-clenched butt cheeks over this one. Is he gay, straight, bi, confused? Personally, I couldn't care less. I don't want to imagine Clay Aiken naked with anybody.

-Nicole Kidman and Botox. It seems that many are speculating whether or not Kidman uses Botox. Me? I don't care. If she is, she's doing it right because the woman is gorgeous. Besides, no amount of neurotoxin protein can take away from the fact that Kidman is a damn good actress. And should those Botox rumors be true, and the injections go terribly wrong, Kidman will rock in the live-action version of the life and times of Madame.

-Are Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon an item? Let me clear this one up right here and now, once and for all. The answer is NO. Jake is saving himself for me. End of subject.

-Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes, Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie, David & Victoria Beckham. It astounds me that anyone cares at all what these "supercouples" are up to. Just because they're richer than hell doesn't make them interesting. If they donated some of their earnings to me, I might find them more compelling. I should really get on that. I'm just unfortunate enough that Brad and Angie might adopt me.

-Leona Helmsley left her dog $12 million. I refuse to waste my time worrying about that lucky little bitch. I only care that dogs and cats are able to lick their own hoo-hahs. That is something to envy.

-Dick Cheney might have seen -- gasp! -- a naked lady! This was all over the news a couple of weeks ago: a photo of Cheney with sunglasses on, and in the reflection of the sunglasses what appears to be a naked woman. This is the least newsworthy of any of the aforementioned items. We all know Cheney has a weak heart (if he has a heart at all, which is debatable). Seeing a shapely nude young female would make him drop dead. Since the old buzzard is still kicking, it clearly didn't happen. It's nothing to be concerned about.

Upon rereading these, I now realize that I've done something foolish. I've given "air time" to things I genuinely don't care about. None of these topics are noteworthy enough for any of us to care about.

UGH! Why am I still writing and ruminating over this? I could be doing something much more important, like plucking my eyebrows or sanding my feet.