Primary Colors: Ramblings On Super Tuesday From These Once-United States

Something strange happened to me this morning.

I got a nasty sunburn in Mexico that hurts more than Britney Spears's new CD. As a result, I haven't been sleeping well lately. Since I was up early, I decided to hit my polling place before work and vote in the primary. After throwing on some loose baggy clothes that wouldn't chafe my lobstered skin like sandpaper, I walked the few blocks in the pouring rain to get my tally on the ballot.

I knew I had arrived early because the Bostonians working the polls were downright cheerful. It always throws me when I encounter cheerful Bostonians. I also knew I was early because the volunteer sitting by the door was devouring a cinnamon roll the size of a human head. He sputtered a frosting-lipped "Good Morning" as I entered the elementary school meeting room.

Soon I had my ballot and was snugly ensconced in the voting booth, a red, white, and blue striped curtain tucking me in securely. I glanced at the ballot and scanned down the names. It was clear that the ballots were outdated, as they contained the names of several candidates who have already dropped out of the race. I got a little sad when I saw my man Kucinich's name. Dennis Kucinich was my first choice, but he bowed out of the running on January 24.

And then it struck me:

I had no idea who to vote for. With my first and second choices (Kucinich and John Edwards, respectively) out of the picture, I was left to choose between my tied-for-third-place selections, Hillary and Obama. A panic set in immediately. Who the hell was I going to vote for?

Luckily, I'm not a total political dunce, so I had done my homework on these two. I like both of them immensely, and I dislike both of them with equal immensity. Confusing? You bet it is, and more than a little nerve-wracking when you're standing in the voting booth, black felt-tipped pen in hand, on the poise of choosing our country's next leader.

I quickly went through everything I like and don't like about Hillary and Obama:

Hillary - Pros

• She's a woman. And we are long overdue for a female president. Even countries that harbor the most misogynistic views of women have had women leaders. It is a testament to our latent (or not-so-latent) sexism that we've never had a woman in the White House. Personally, I am more comfortable with women than I am with men, so Hills gets huge props from a strictly selfish point of view. Also, women do think differently than men. Women can bring to the table an entirely different (and in my experience, oftentimes more compassionate) set of ideas than we've ever seen in the realm of Commander-in-Chief. And I'm all for that.
• She's a mother. And our country needs mothering right now. In a desperate way.
• She's a friend of the gay community. She always has been. Regardless of whether or not she's waffled on other viewpoints, she's never waffled on this one. She's always been willing to stand up for us. Even though she may not support gay marriage (she's a civil union advocate), it's still a step in the right direction. You can't move big redneck mountains overnight.
• Her health care plan. Hillary's health care proposal makes the most sense to me and could well put us on the way toward universal health care.
  
• She's pro-choice and pro-woman. She has always championed a woman's right to choose and has been a staunch supporter of expanding access to family planning services. She is unapologetically independent, powerful, and assertive.
  
• She's pro-gun control. Hillary realizes that the old adage is an utter lie. Guns do kill people.
• She wants us out of Iraq. The Iraq War is Bush's War, not ours. Hillary gets this. She's more compassionate and peaceful, I suspect, than any of us will ever know.
• She has something very important to me: Hillary Clinton has class. We as a country have been witness to many of her degradations and embarrassments, and she's handled them all with a level of class and dignity that is inspiring. "Whatever happened to class?" I've posited lately. Well...she's right there.

Hillary - Cons

• Hillary IS Corporate America. And Corporate America is physically and psychically revolting to me.
• While she supports civil unions and granting the same rights to gay couples as straight couples, she isn't willing to call it "marriage". It's the same thing, trust me on this. We have just as much right to use the word "marriage" as any other group of people. The government cannot claim ownership of a word: it belongs to everyone.
• If Hillary is elected, it will mean that this country will have been governed by the same two families for 24 consecutive years. This unsettles me greatly. It's time for new blood. As Mos Def said, "They're passing around the presidency like it's a party joint."

Obama - Pros

• He's a person of color. We need diversity and a more accurate reflection of the American people in our positions of power. Enough of the 300-year old white men that have held this country hostage for far too long. A change will do us good.
• He's young. New blood in the White House is great, but young blood is even better. It's time to throw off the diapers of the elderly presidency and reinvigorate Washington with the full blush of youth. Okay, he's not that young. But he isn't a 300-year old white man, so he might as well be a preteen. I often hear Obama criticized as not having enough experience, but this isn't a huge concern for me. In fact, I see it as more of an advantage than a hindrance.
• He and Hillary are pretty much agreed on all the topics that interest me most: the Iraq War, peace, gay marriage, gun control, reproductive rights, the death penalty. With both candidates agreeing on these topics, it makes it very difficult to choose, as could be witnessed this morning by my shaking and charred hands poised over the ballot.

Obama - Cons

• There is just something about Obama that doesn't ring entirely authentic to me. This is a challenge to convey in a blog. His big smile strikes me as contrived, and I have a hard time believing his sincerity.
• He's an awe-inspiring speaker, but something of a bumbler when it comes to unscripted and off-the-cuff remarks. A lack of refinement or ill-preparedness, perhaps.
  
• Obama is with Hillary on the word "marriage" and feels it's strictly a hetero term. When I watched him on the Logo network's panel on gay marriage, I almost sensed a slight discomfort in his poise and his answers. This caused me to question his alliance with the gay community. Being authentic, being sincere, are important qualities to me, and I had to struggle to find them during that particular forum. But I do desperately want to believe that his warm bright smile is entirely true. Maybe in time I will.

Now, in a perfect world, a world where I have 100 puppies and write poetry for a living and frolic gaily in a field of wildflowers each morning, Hillary and Obama would join forces and run together. That would be ideal. If these two powerful entities united, there is no doubt in my mind that we would be restored to the status of Land of the Free and Home of the Brave.

But, alas, this would require a great setting-aside of egos, and I honestly don't know if this can happen. I hope, for all our sakes', that it does.

Standing in the voting booth, the rain tap-tapping the metal roof of the elementary school, I uncapped my marker and filled in the oval beside the candidate of my choice.

Hillary Clinton.

And so, when it came right down to it, I chose the one with boobies. Everyone knows I've always been a boob man.